Last week when I heard that Lindsay Lohan was going to appear in 2 Broke Girls I knew I wanted to be able to see it so I made some calls and the next thing you know my buddy who works kind of with the show hooked me up. Well, in his typical fashion it was more of he says he hooked me up, but you never know what you are actually going to get when you arrive, but I knew I would at least get in. I might have to stand up and take off my shirt and shake my belly for candy and to entertain the audience, but getting in was gold. Or so I thought.
On a typical taping for 2 Broke Girls there are about five people on the list of the cast and crew to get in for the taping. Sometimes there are no people on the list. Last night there were nearly 100. That is half the available seats. Apparently someone had told someone and they called someone who called someone who saw Ferris at 31 Flavors and the entire world decided to descend on the Warner Brothers lot to see Lindsay Lohan. Hopefully they were coming for the same reason as me – to watch an actual train wreck that doesn’t injure anyone. They obviously have not watched her act.
There were people from around the world and other tourists waiting to get in the show. They had got their tickets months in advance and had no idea that the date they selected was all the date Lindsay had selected. Almost one hundred percent of the time all of those people would be accommodated but last night more than half had to go home without seeing the show. I would have given up my spot if it had helped but I was just one person and most of these people were in groups of three or four. Don’t feel too bad for them because there is a happy type ending for them later on in the recap. You can probably scroll to the bottom if you are one of those people who can’t stand to wait.
By the time I finally rolled in I had missed all the preliminaries, which can be a good thing with this show. I went the first season and got there around 4pm and didn’t walk out until a little after 2. This is season 3 though and towards the end and I heard they were getting out most nights about 9. It is not Two And A Half Men fast which pre-records so much stuff that they barely even say hi to their audience before getting you out the door, but 9pm is early enough where I could get some drink time in before sleeping.
As Roger Lundblade, the guy who does warm up for the show and one of my favorite guys to hang out with in this town sees me he waves me down to the front row like he is some kind of seat getting magician. It was all sleight of hand as you will see. I literally sat down two minutes before taping began. The first scene involved the entire regular cast and took place in the diner. One scene took about 15 minutes to shoot and that included a stop so they could move the cameras. Everyone was flawless and since Jennifer Coolidge is only in two scenes of this particular episode would like to point out how amazing she is and how gorgeous she looked.
Moving on. First Lindsay Lohan scene. Yep. There she was.
Red hair. Lips so plumped out she couldn’t really get them open because of her botox which also caused her to have trouble pronouncing certain words. Of course she won’t be able to pronounce anything if she keeps smoking because her voice is rapidly disappearing into some type of screaming smoking raspy hell hole. You know when you go to some type of event that requires a lot of yelling or screaming and you can barely speak. Combine that with a three pack a day habit and botox and see how well you do. There was a scene later on in the show that required Lindsay to say the words Hawaii and Bahamas in succession. She couldn't move her botoxed muscles enough to get that combination down without pausing between each. It sounded like someone who had injected with Novocaine an hour earlier.
Enough of that though, let me take this slow and steady. I want the writers to know that your words were very good for the script of this episode. I also want you to know that myself and all of the other 199 members of the audience are very familiar with every single one of Lindsay Lohan’s lines and can repeat them all verbatim to you because we heard them so many times last night. There is not a member of the audience who couldn’t do a better job than Lindsay Lohan did last night.